When someone walks slower than me: omfg your slow ass is clogging up the hallway for the rest of us put some pep in your step grandma

When someone walks faster than me: jesus christ are you on the run from the police this isn't a race you can tone it down usain bolt

When someone walks at the same pace as me: who gave your creepy ass permission to walk with me get the fuck away before I call the cops

*cop car pulls out from side of road*

me: shit shit shit what did i do shit

*cop car passes me by*

me: yeah that's what i thought bitch

vinegod:

being roommates with Lorde by Carly Incontro

(via sammijaye)